What Happens After?

Dear Diary…

Sometimes life takes you on a journey on that you never thought you’ll be in.

When you’re young, all you think about is studying to fulfill whatever ambition you have. Then you start on your career. While living your life, you meet the love of your life. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. When it does works out, you marry and hope to start a family. You wait, hope and pray but nothing happens.

You resign to the fact that it will never happened especially when you reach 40. Yeah, a lot of people start their family at 40’s but imagine this, when you’re 50, your kid is only 10, would you still still have the energy to run around with them? With people dropping dead at such a young age, what if you die when your kids are still young. Would you trust the child that you’ve been dreaming of to another? Can your significant other bear it alone at an age where he should be retiring?

I’ve been thinking alot about the future since mama’s passing. Abah has 5 children and still he says, he has now nothing to look forward to. He said, now that mama is gone, there is no life, no future. All he does is eat, shit, work and sleep. What more is there?

What about me? What is I outlive Azwaj and my mother? What would I do? I have assets. What do I do with them? Would I feel the same way Abah is feeling right now?

It’s morbid thoughts, I know.. but I can’t help but wonder.. what happens after……??

ladyjava

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